Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Evolution of . . . Me

13 years ago, I thought I wanted to grow up and work at a computer crunching numbers, with little or no people interaction. I was a math nerd. Still am in many ways. While I realized that that wasn't what I wanted to do after all, I still harbor some of those same personality traits that you'd imagine a math nerd having. I'm somewhat shy (my opinion), introverted. I'm non-confrontational to a fault. I don't have the best people skills, but that's not true across the board. I am generally good with the parents of my students. Anyhow, lately I still have times where I wonder if I got it right yet. I love working with the kids I do; while I could never have the patience to work with 'typical' children, I can be the most patient person you've ever met when working with children with exceptionalities. I still wonder if I'm the best person for the job. Is it normal to have these periods of self-doubt?

When I try and picture what I'd be doing if I weren't doing this, I definitely do not picture myself in my old world of banking/finance. That much I know. I can't picture myself in administration--again, those people skills aren't a strong point! I think more and more the answer is another degree, the initials PhD after my name, and a career as a consultant/professor. That makes sense. I just don't know if I have what it takes to get from here to there.

When I look at what got me from where I was to where I am, I'm continually amazed at the answer. Because of one child, my nephew Dakota, I realized I wanted to work with children with exceptionalities day-in day-out. One person changed the course of my life. There have been others along the way, of course, but none with the impact he had. I remember getting the phone call telling me he'd been born. I was hoping for a girl--he was my 4th nephew. I remember taking the phone call in my office of employment at OSU--9/11/97. I had a moment of disappointment when mom said it was a boy. Then she told me that he was med-flighted to OKC because of problems and my heart sank. I went to the bathroom and locked myself inside a stall and cried because this child I didn't yet know was not well. Little did I know then that it was the first of many tears I would cry over this precious child. But without him, without all those tears, would I have found my way thus far?

1 comment:

Tendersoul said...

I hope you figure out what you want to do. I think most people never really figure it, except a lucky few. My mom still says she doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up. I don't either. I've been in banking for 14 years (is that possible?). And while I'm thankful for the opportunity to telecommute, sometimes I wonder what else I would like to do with my life.

If you figure out the secret to deciding, PLEASE share. :)