It still hits

Sometimes, though maybe not as strongly in the past. Maybe it's the holidays. Maybe it's because he'd be the age of my students.
Mostly, it's probably because I don't want to forget about him. I want him to stay close to my memory. I want to be abl eot share his memory with my own family some day.
He would be 11 now. What would he want for Christmas? Books, a phone, or a baseball glove, or possibly a fishing pole? It's hard not knowing.

Love you and miss you still Dakota, my precious nephew.

Christmases Past

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!

September 11 would have been Dakota's 11th birthday. His last birthday alive was his 4th. Wow, so much time has passed.

It dawned on me last week that my students are just a wee bit older than Dakota would be if he were here. In fact, I had one turn 11 the weekend after school started. I catch myself working with them and wondering what he'd be like. I don't really think he'd be in a class like mine. I think he'd be the ham of whatever class he was in. I think his classmates would love him--and accept him and his differences because he had such a sweet spirit; who couldn't help but love him? I think he'd be walking, though probably with assistance. I think he'd be eating much more through his mouth vs. his g-tube. I think he'd need a muzzle sometimes to keep him from talking, as he was already a chatterbox. I know he'd still be the apple of my parents' eye, the center of their world.

I miss him still.

History

I grew up about 10 minutes from my great-grandparents' homestead. I have many fond memories of riding horses, exploring, playing with my cousins, 2nd cousins, and 3rd cousins, mischief, and good home cooking. One of the things my cousins and I did was play in our great-grandparents' old house. At that point, it was dilapidated--no windows, mice, probably snakes, and so forth. I think we tried to sleep it one night, but got scared and went in to the house my great aunt and uncle then occupied.
Anyhow, all of this background is intended to show the house my grandpa grew up in. It was his parents, at one time his grandparents, his 2 sisters, and 1 brother. So, at the most there were 8 people living in this house.

Wow.

Wow

I attended the funeral for this young man today. I didn't know him, but I know his parents. His wife is my 4th cousin (yes, when you are from a small town, you're probably related to half the people from the same town and we do keep track that far down--though I don't actually know her either).

Through my tears, I was continuously wowed as I saw his family firmly stand upon their faith that they'll see their son again, that he is watching down on them, that they would rather celebrate his 26 short years rather than dwell on the years they'll miss his physical presence. His dad spoke, with his mom by his side. His wife knowingly nodded when the pastor talked about how he died doing what he loved to do most--and who wouldn't want their life to end that way? I even saw his wife/widow (at age 26 or so--yet she was smiling) comfort another cousin (this one I know) at the cemetery. She said she was OK as she knew she'd see him again, and that she knew he was with us all even as we spoke. Again, I was just in awe of this family's faith.

The service was a beautiful testimony to his life, and of the family who love him so. I won't get this out of my mind for a while.

That's all for now. I hope to have some more cooking reviews soon. I'm supposed to go to Dallas this weekend, but an ice storm may keep me holed up in my house here. Last time I was supposed to go down there, I was snowed in. The weather isn't being kind to me lately.

Dying

I wish people I know would quit dying already! By the time this week ends, I'll have attended 3 funerals over a week (provided work doesn't give me any crap). There is some solace to be found in that 2 of the funerals are for people who have lived long, full lives. Still, it's painful to see those most affected by their loss grieve, for they still must learn to go on without their loved ones. The third is for a young person, a new father, a husband, a son. Kids are supposed to outlive their parents (and grandparents) but I've seen all too often where it doesn't happen that way. I don't understand 'Why?" but don't think that would make things any easier even if I did.

For the record, the one I've already attended was for the mother of close family friends. In fact, she's the mother of the person who introduced my parents over 40 years ago. So, not family, but I owe her! We did sit with the family. She had told her sons earlier in the week that she was ready to go meet Jesus. She also told my dad she would look after 'those boys', meaning her own great grand-son who died in April '06 from ER induced complications from an asthma attack as well as my nephew Dakota. Her great grand-son Tyler was only a day or 2 older than Dakota was when Dakota passed.

My great uncle lived to be 90 years old. That's a long life, and a life well lived. He was widowed 7 years ago this month. At his 90th birthday, they made him a boob cake. I think he enjoyed it! He passed away sometime between yesterday evening and this morning, presumably peacefully in his sleep. That's the way I'd prefer to go when the time comes!

The other is for a young man who was killed in a plane crash as his plane was surveying an oil pipeline. He was married to a distant cousin of mine. I can't say that I know them, though I did see them a few months ago and see their new baby. I know his family, as they are well known and respected in the community where I grew up. His wife, now widow's family is from a branch of my dad's family tree. So sad....too young.

They say these things happen in 3s, so I hope that's it for a while.

It hits when I least expect it

I was folding laundry, my mind in a far off spot thinking about who knows what. Then it hits like a lightning bolt out of a clear blue sky. I miss Dakota. With Christmas approaching, thoughts of what I am missing, what my parents missing is fresh in my mind. I realize that the Christmas holiday hasn't been the same since 2001, his last with us. We go through the motions but really, all our minds are on the emptoy spot with us and within us. I know he's not what Christmas is about and while I don't forget the real reason for the season, I also realize that the magic of Christmas is more real, more special, more fun when there are children around. Granted, he'd be 9 so not the little kid embedded in my memory, but still someone to spoil and to love and to make us laugh.

Christmases Past

1997

3 1/2 months old and oh so fragile and oh so precious.

1998

His biggest brother was the best--he loved him so much.

1 year, 3 1/2 months

1999 (I think)

With his papaw.

2 years, 3 1/2 months

2000
Ready to dig in.

3 years, 3 1/2 months

2001

Fully immersed in the Christmas spirit.

His last Christmas to physically spend with his family.

4 years, 3 1/2 months

Less than 7 months later, he was taken from us.

Happy Birthday

Dakota would have been 9 today.
The more birthdays that go by, the harder is it to picture what he'd be like today.

Still missing you Dakota.

Love,
Aunt JJ

A Year Ago

Today is the anniversary of my parents' motorcycle accident. A year...Dad is still in a walking shoe, but shouldn't have to have any more surgeries. He hasn't worked since the week before the accident.

Cynthia and Clayton have had 1 new grandchild and have another on the way since they passed on. The 'gang' all went out to the cemetary this afternoon. I'm sure they toasted to Clayton and Cynthia!

Harley dog has been at the hospital since Monday. I'm hoping he gets to come home tomorrow. Friday, it looked like some tough decisions may be in the future if he didn't hurry up and respond already to his meds. Peanut and I visited him yesterday. While initially, the tech couldn't get him to budge to come to the room where Peanut and I were waiting, once he saw me he stood up and almost darted to the outside door! I got him in a room with me for a short while and just loved on him. He was quite tuckered out, so we grudgingly left. The tech was very happy to see Harley get so motivated over something! The report on the med front was good too, so hopefully he was starting to respond.

Harley is a dog who defies all logic. Really. Most of his health issues have been the sort that stump the vet. Right now, they are treating him for colitis, but pancreatitis or possibly something else as of yet unknown could be the culprit. Medically speaking, Harley is an anomaly. He always has the weirdest things happen to him.

Here he is Monday morning after spending a night in the ER. Notice he still has the port for an IV. Is that just pathetic or what?



Check out Sweetnicks for some cute and healthy (hopefully) pooches for this weekend's edition of Weekend Dog Blog.

And another year has past

Today (Sunday, July 16) marked the 4 year anniversary of my nephew Dakota's death.

Daktoa, you still inspire me daily. I can look at your picture and just smile. I miss you, but know you are so much better off with Jesus. Until we meet again...

My Tribute to Dakota (July 16, 2005)

Some more pictures, posted last year

Precious memories, how they linger.

Hanging in there...

Cooking hasn't been top on my priority list lately. I still manage to eat, but it's mostly salads or quick things.

The school year is winding down. My house is getting lots of showings and lots of positive feedback, but no sale yet. I've managed to keep it clean for 3 weeks now. :)

I've had a student absent all week. He is doing OK and should be back next week. I was speaking to his mom earlier this week and mentioned some new things I want to try before the year is over. It dawned on me that my time with him is quickly winding down--I'm not going to have too much time left to try new things. My heart sank. I really hope we've laid the foundation for this kid to really grow and achieve. His behaviors are mostly under control. Right now we are working on potty training and eating a wider variety of foods (my new idea: giving him lentils :) ). I'm sad that I may not see these things followed through. However, I do have summer school with him and will likely come back in August to consult with his new staff before the school year starts (and that trip WILL include a personal visit to the little guy). So...life goes on. Meanwhile, last week I did get to meet 4 students I'll have next year (and their parents). I'll have a challenging class--these 4 are all VERY different in their skills and needs. I'm excited about working w/ these little boys and their families, and am looking forward to finding out who else will fill out my class!

This has been an interesting week at school. A drug bust, a threat by a student, a raging parent. I got a new student today--another hurricane evacuee who will only be in our district for the remainder of the year. I'm still figuring out what to do with him!

The man who killed my parents' friends and injured my dad will be sentenced on Tuesday. He is expected to plead guility on a negligent homicide charge. It's been almost 8 months since the accident. My dad is supposed to get medical clearance on Monday. That is also Cynthia's birthday (one of the deceased). A bunch of bikers are riding out to the cemetary to decorate her gravesite. They want dad to lead the way. I told him not to let me know if he does. I just don't want to worry. Mom has said she'll drive.

That's all for now...

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant.-- Horace (65-8 BC) Roman Poet

Don't waste today

I attended a funeral today. It was a very moving and touching celebration of the life of Mary Alice (48), my dad's cousin's wife. I only met her one time, at my great aunt's house, not long after she wed dad's cousin and became family. I was still fairly new to the metroplex, and she gave me their number and said to call them and to come over anytime (they lived about an hour from me). Well, I never called. Not because I didn't want to. I liked them, and though they are older than I by about 15 years, they seemed like fun people. I should add that I don't really know dad's cousin, but have gotten to know his mom (my grandma's little sister) in recent years. I didn't call because I was too busy, too tired, thought it was too far to drive because I hate Dallas area traffic. I didn't call because I didn't make it important enough.

So, as I sat there today and heard her nephew, her stepchildren, some of their friends, her brothers, a niece, a sister-in-law, and others talk about her life and what she meant to them, I was sorry. I was sorry that I was too busy to take the time to get to know this good hearted, strong, fun, kind person. I was sorry that I will no longer have that chance. I was sorry to see those who loved her so much hurt.

I told my great aunt that I intended to see her more in these next months before I move. She lives 15 minutes from where I teach (but it's the opposite direction of my home from school). I've not taken the time in the last few years to see her as much. I'm not going to be too busy anymore. She's important; she's a strong tie to my late grandmother and my dad's youth--she does have some gems to share! I need to take the time to get to know her family better, because they are my family too. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Make time today for those who are important to you. Tomorrow may be too late.

Rest in peace, Mary Alice. May your family and friends continue the legacy of love you left behind.

Happy Birthday Dakota

Dakota would have been 8 today.
We miss you!

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. We are all hanging in there. I'll post more later.

Sadness and disbelief

I can't sleep.
My parents witnessed the death of 2 close friends tonight. Six more feet, a few seconds here or there, and I could be parentless. By the Grace of God I am not.

I hurt for the children of Cynthia and Clayton, for Cynthia's mom and sisters, and for their grandchildren. They were wonderful, kind, caring people who were always ready with a hug whenever I saw them.

My dad has a broken leg and foot that will require surgery. It looks like his upcoming (next month) 59th birthday will be spent on crutches, but at least he'll see 59.

The details: They were riding the bikes (Harleys) and on their way to town to get something to eat. An old man (or woman?) ran a stop sign on a curve and broadsided one motorcyle at about 60 mph. They didn't have time to react. Their legs were severed and their bodies thrown. He died shortly thereafter, probably of internal trauma and blood loss. She died while be flown to Oklahoma City or shortly after arriving. He was conscious after it happened and was only concerned about his wife.

My dad was able to stop his bike in time, though did hit the back of the car barely. Somehow his leg got tangled and the bike fell, crushing it. He'll heal physically, but it will take them both much longer to heal emotionally.

Fortunately, I was fairly nearby in Oklahoma City at a party and able to make it to the hospital within an hour of getting the call.

I really hope they sell their bikes now. I've witnessed one wreck and now this. I can't take much more.

A Tribute To A Full But Short Life: My Nephew Dakota

Dakota

9/11/97--7/16/2002

It's been 3 years. It's hard to believe we've been without you that long. Three Christmases, three birthdays, three Easters, and many other memories made without you there. Your much-loved Uncle Bobby has joined you since you left us. So has Sassy cat and Aspen.

Your Gramma and Papaw miss you very much. Their life hasn't been the same since you left. They are contemplating selling their house and moving, but then don't want to leave the last place you lived. If they do leave, they'll be taking several trees that were planted in your memory with them. I would expect you'll still have your yellow bedroom in their new house, wherever they end up building.

You will always be our sunshine. You taught us so much and left such a strong impression on everyone who met you. Your innocence, your pure spirit and old man's soul, your happiness, your sweet personality...I still don't understand why you had to leave us so soon and probably never will. I do cherish the time we did have you--and am so thankful that I was able to live close enough to be a part of your life. I know you are in a happier place--one where your belly doesn't hurt and your legs can carry you around and you can do all the things that your couldn't do here. That makes me happy. But I still wish I could feel your sweet little arms giving me a hug. Those were the best. I still try and remember ever little detail of that last full day I got to spend with you. I remember you saying "What's dat smell?" in your cute little voice as we crossed the Canadian River on our way to OKC. I remember your silly poses when I asked you to pose for the camera--thankfully I took all of those pictures that day!

Precious memories, how they linger.

Let's play ball!

Baseball

Harley and Dakota--don't they look cozy?

He loved The Crocodile Hunter--Steve Irwin

Yum! Chicken!

Number #1!

Chubby phase!

Number #1!

Concentration

Anastasia Island, FL

Look at him go!

Colorado Mountains

Wichita Mountains, OK with Papaw and Gramma

Colorado Mountains

Just hanging out in the bedroom

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

On kitchens...

Well, I learned a new game this weekend. It's called Kitchen Twister. The point is see who can get frustrated first and leave the kitchen, thus leaving more room for the remaining people to get something done! I hate my kitchen! My mom, dad, and I were all trying to use the same work space (i.e. only work space) while cooking dinner the other night. It was quite comical.

We had a nice weekend. Dad some some 'daddy dos' for me--namely, fixed the sagging, leaking roof over my patio that it turns out was made with cheap, paper based crap rather than real wood. No wonder it sags! He also fixed the back door lock that he (and everyone else but me) had trouble using.

They are planning on building their 'last hurrah' house in the coming year, so of course we had to go to The Great Indoors and The Viking Store. Mom is finally going to get her designer kitchen, possibliy with a double oven. Yippee! Not that I live there, but I do help cook there come holidays and other events. Fun fun. Of course, this will likely just serve to make me insanely jealous when I have to come back to my above-mentioned kitchen! OK, so I'll get over it. They've lived a lot longer and worked a lot harder than I have, so they deserve it.

I can't help but cuss the designer who designed my kitchen and only made 2 drawers and wasted 2 whole walls--one for a big window and the other is just blank! The window is nice, but I'd prefer the kitchen sink looking over the window. Of course, I was stupid enough to buy the place over 5 years ago. Now I know to count kitchen drawers next time I am in the market (hopefully in the next year). Live and learn...

Mi Padre